“The most important thing in the world is family and love."
— John Wooden —
Hello and my best to you and yours.
As an American living in Spain, Thanksgiving is the holiday I miss the most. Turkey legs. Mashed potatoes. Pumpkin pie. My family. Football. Maybe not in that order.
If you’re stateside, I hope you have a great day.
If you’re outside the US, I hope you have a great day too.
And a massive THANK YOU for all the love this past year on this newsletter and my book. I got news yesterday that sent me to Mars. My favorite publication, Big Think, ran an excerpt from Shy by Design on the power of having diverse friendships.
Big Think — Shy by Design
Here are three things I’ve been thinking about lately that I wanted to share with you — including my favorite Thanksgiving essay from my friend Marji that I reread every year. (4-minute read).
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on letting go
My kid Luc has the football (soccer) seed. You can see it from a mile away. People who aren’t even fans of the sport stop to watch him blast the ball and weave with ease through kids often twice his age. Whatever it is, he’s got it.
But rather than just being in awe of Luc, and letting him be the six-year-old he is, I’ve begun to act like that annoying parent who pushes their kid too hard.
Last week at his game, I caught myself yelling in kind of a mean tone — “Luc, run harder!” I think I even threw my hands up in the air in disgust. My wife was not amused.
The moment Luc began walking, he started kicking a ball. He doesn’t need any pushing. Every morning he wants to go to the park before school to play. After school…park. After practice…park. He tells me the drills we are going to do and the areas he wants to improve.
Who the hell am I to disrupt that? He’s found his obsession and the last thing he needs is an obsessive parent that could potentially kill his love for the game if he keeps acting like a snapperhead.
So rather than be the person I didn’t like bossing me around when I was a kid when I was playing, I’m going to pull back and let him move forward however he likes.
It will be good for me — training for the future when the real tests of letting go become much harder.
So if you ever decide to visit Costa Brava and catch me yelling at one of his games, you have free reign to publicly call me out and give me a swift kick in the beans.
I may not laugh.
But Luc will.
He likes the word “beans.”
***
on choosing happiness over being right
A few months ago, I shared a story in this newsletter about how one of Adam Sandler’s professors once took him out for beers and proceeded to try to talk him out of becoming an actor as “he didn’t have it.”
When Adam ran into the professor again a few years later after he made the big time, rather than gloat, he introduced the man to his friends by saying — "I'd like you to meet the only teacher who ever bought me a beer."
I shared this story on Substack the other day and really appreciated a comment on it from a man named Siets de Wilde —
“In Dutch, [being] right and happiness are two words that sound very similar (“gelijk” and “geluk”, respectively).
I recently learned the phrase “Will you go for being right or happiness?”, which obviously sounds much better in Dutch, but in any case, it has had a very strong impact on me.
I am convinced now that a mind that tries to be right in many situations (including the past ones), gets stuck in a loophole of negativity and stress.
For me, it is still a challenge though to go for happiness in each situation.”
I don’t know about you, but I love both the sentiment and the honesty in Siets’s words. It’s not always easy to bite our tongues and refrain from proving to others how right we are and how wrong they were. But fight to choose “geluk” over “gelijk.”
Your happiness levels and relationships will thank you for it.
***
and my favorite Thanksgiving reflection
A few years ago, a woman named Marji Chimes reached out to say hi and asked if I'd be up for having a call. I said yes. From the word go, due to her delicious mix of curiosity and positive energy, we became fast friends.
In addition to watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles every Turkey Day to keep my American roots strong, over the last few years I've added a story from Marji into the mix. It's about about how the tapestry of her Thanksgiving table has changed over the years, and yet, how much it has stayed the same.
Every time I read it, I reflect on my own holiday tables and the good people I've been fortunate enough to have by my side.
What I love about Thanksgiving
has nothing to do with turkey
If this hit you as hard and as beautifully as it did me, show Marji some love on Substack as we need more thoughtful and funny voices like hers.
***
That's it for this week.
And if you're interested, I had a great time talking sales skills as a shy person who grew up with a debiliating stutter on my friend Rob Jolles's podcast Pocket Sized Pep Talks.
Feel free to listen here
Onwards.
—Michael
PS: The best way to help me keep the lights on and to keep newsletters like this one free is to grab a copy of my book and leave an honest review on Amazon or Goodreads. It makes for a great gift for any of your shy or reserved friends, colleagues, and family members who have something to say but struggle to bet on themselves.
Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out
“In a world that lionizes loudness, it’s actually the quiet and shy among us who are best set up to thrive. Thompson provides an important new way of understanding what it really takes to stand out!”
— Cal Newport, NYTimes bestselling author of Deep Work and Slow Productivity