"If you’re trying to please everyone, then you’re not going to make anything that is honestly yours, I don’t think, in the long run."
— Viggo Mortensen —
Hello and my best to you and yours.
I hope you all had a great Halloween. Here are three things I've been thinking about lately that I'm excited to share with you. (4-minute read)
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on not changing
My oldest son’s buddies banded together to get him a ukulele for his birthday earlier this week. The instrument made me immediately think of Grace Vanderwaal — who at the age of 12, won America’s Got Talent due to her ukulele playing and incredible voice and songwriting ability.
Of all the YouTube videos I’ve watched this year, Grace’s performances reign supreme as her purity as an artist and honesty in her messages light me up.
My favorite song from Grace is “Clay." It’s about how she won’t allow the opinions of others to change who she is. I can’t recommend watching her performance enough. Here’s a taste of her song-writing ability —
Your silly words
I won't live inside your world
'Cause your punches and your names
All your jokes and stupid games
They don't work
No, they don't hurt
Watch them just go right through me
Because they mean nothing to me
I'm not clay
Minutes 1:30 to 2:20 of the video could possibly be my favorite fifty seconds of a song ever.
12 years old.
Humans are incredible.
Change is necessary.
But not at the cost of your authenticity.
***
on the lost art of giving people chances
I saw a big-name influencer on LinkedIn say if someone disappoints them twice, they’re out. He went on to add that he doesn’t have time for people who cancel late, are no-shows, or screw up on a project. As expected, these thoughts were met with thunderous applause.
Twenty years ago, I may have been one of those digital clappers. But if I’ve learned anything in my 46 years, it’s that at some time or another, we’re all disappointments, and life is a lot more fun if we don’t treat people like an expired bottle of milk.
The post reminded me of a story I share in my book where I screwed up a first and second impression with a man named Conor Neill — a legend in Barcelona entrepreneurial, coaching, and creator circles.
When I asked him why he was gracious enough to hang with me, he had these profound words to say —
“People need to get clear on three things. First, they need clarity in their mission. Second, they need confidence in their actions. Third, and most importantly, they need to have a stronghold on their values.
I could tell you were lost about the first two parts of this equation. But it was clear we had common values.
And when you meet someone like that—someone with shared values—they’re worth being given a second, tenth, or even thousandth chance.”
Conor went on to provide feedback that led to getting one of my first articles published in Fast Company and mentioned me in a few of his YouTube videos saying I’m a good thinker and a good person to spend a day with.
I screw up.
You screw up.
We’re all a bunch of screw-ups.
Conor’s actions played a massive role in giving me the confidence to lean into writing and coaching. I’m not sure where I’d be without his patience and boosts.
Look past a few specific actions and deeper into who people are as human beings and what they stand for.
Embrace the lost art of giving people chances.
***
on designing connection
I got lucky with writing on Medium. I hit my stride right when the platform leads created a program to pay writers for their engagement. Overnight, I went from a struggling writer to a well-paid one. But like all good (and bad) things, the tides turned and the more changes that were made to the platform, the more the views on my articles dropped.
Fortunately, when the signs were clear I’d need to pivot and lean harder into coaching, an angel named Anne Van Itallie reached out to possibly work together on her writing.
Life got in the way of that happening but a few days later, Anne connected me with her friend Fred Dust — which set off a chain of dominos that led to multiple book clients in the span of a few weeks.
In short, Anne is my fairy godmother. She’s also the best connector I know and loves nothing more than connecting good people to make great things.
It was a real thrill to get a chance to link up with Anne a few days ago to talk about storytelling, the power of vulnerability, and connecting people.
We tried a few times to record the conversation as a LinkedIn Live event but we had some tech issues so we had to break the recording into 3 parts which you can find below —
Anne is one of the good ones and very well worth connecting with on LinkedIn.
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That's it for this week. I hope you have a great weekend and if you haven't already, feel free to head over to Substack to read more of my article-based writing.
Onwards.
—Michael
PS: The best way to help me keep the lights on and to keep newsletters like this one free is to grab a copy of my book and leave an honest review on Amazon or Goodreads. It makes for a great gift for any of your shy or reserved friends, colleagues, and family members who have something to say but struggle to bet on themselves.
Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out
“In a world that lionizes loudness, it’s actually the quiet and shy among us who are best set up to thrive. Thompson provides an important new way of understanding what it really takes to stand out!”
— Cal Newport, NYTimes bestselling author of Deep Work and Slow Productivity