“The decisions you make are a choice of values that reflect your life in every way.”
— Alice Waters —
Hello, and my very best to you and yours.
I got word that in addition to being translated into Korean, my book — Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out — will soon be available in Arabic.
Learning that the book will be available to more people lights me up. Hopefully, Spanish is up next as I'd love for my wife's family and my friends here to be able to read it. Thank you for the continued support. If you've read it, leaving an honest review on Amazon would be massively appreciated as it helps to keep it moving.
On that note, here are 3 things that I've been thinking about that I'm excited to share with you.
***
on focusing on the good
We got a new showerhead in our bathroom last year. I like the massage function. My wife and kids prefer the classic mode. Being that I get up with the roosters, for the first few months, I forgot to revert the mode to normal every time I used it. And being that my kids are vertically challenged, like clockwork, every time they got in the shower, they’d yell at me to fix it.
The last few months, though, I’ve gotten better at remembering. But then yesterday happened, and once again, I fell back into my old ways. My kids hopped on the opportunity to berate my faulty brain — “Papa, the shower! Is it that hard to remember, snapperhead!”
The interesting thing is that not once during my sixty-day win streak did they acknowledge that I’d been doing pretty good.
Tears aside, this got me thinking about whether I would've gotten better at this sooner if, every once in a while, they'd taken a second to reinforce my good behavior instead of only blasting my bad.
It also got me thinking about how I often do the same thing with any of their countless habits that annoy the hell out of me.
I can’t remember who told me this or the country where it happened, but the rumor is that instead of only sending out speeding tickets when drivers go over the limit, police also, from time to time, send out letters thanking drivers for not going over the limit. Evidently, since leaning into this simple action, fewer people have been inclined to speed as they wanted to also receive a letter letting them know they were doing good.
It’s funny. We yell all day long. “You did this wrong!” “Stop being an idiot!” “The shower, snapperhead!”
But what if instead of shouting only when other people screw up, we compliment them when they don’t.
I’m sure I’ll let my kids know sooner than later that their backpacks don’t belong on the kitchen floor for the umpteenth time. But maybe, since writing this, I’ll also let them know how much I appreciate it when they put them away.
Acknowledge the good.
It may very well be the key to making the world less bad.
***
on the purpose of power
Ever since watching The Bear and reading Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara, I’ve been obsessed with cooking programs. The one that tops the list for me is Chef’s Table: Legends featuring Jamie Oliver, Jose Andrés, Thomas Keller, and Alice Waters (who may be my new favorite person).
I can’t recommend watching the series enough. Yes, cooking is involved. But the series is about so much more than that. It’s about community. It’s about creating opportunity. It’s about using your skills for the betterment of the world.
José Andrés summed the show up best when talking about his experience feeding the masses in Haiti in the wake of the devastating earthquake, which planted the seed that would become World Central Kitchen —
“There is a moment I realized that if you give the spark of possibility, that spark becomes a big flame of hope."
I don’t know about you, but I love that.
I think that’s why I love teaching so much and say yes to so many calls with up-and-comers. Not to be the answer. But to be a spark.
In today’s world, there’s a lot of talk about “solopreneurship” and making money online so you can be “free.” This show reinforces the notion that all the financial freedom in the world loses serious weight if you’re not using your resources and influence to lift others up.
Like my friend Kim Dabbs wrote in her book, You Belong Here —
“The sole purpose of finding your power is to share that power with others.”
***
on the day technology disappeared
There was a day-long blackout here in Spain recently where we couldn’t make any calls or use any devices. I’ve been asked by a few people what it was like. Granted, I live in a small coastal town and I wasn’t stuck in an elevator, traffic, or lying in a hospital bed, but from my experience it was sunny.
I was expecting people to be flipping out on the streets. But that wasn’t the case. Far from it. Everyone in my orbit launched into either helpful or leisure mode — often a blend of the two.
“Not much we can do about it, so we might as well make the most of it!” seemed to be the overall tone.
The only person who complained to me was a recently divorced buddy who’s discovered the wonders of Tinder.
High-schoolers were talking and laughing on the streets instead of staring at their phones. Adults were talking and laughing in the cafés instead of staring at their phones. And the park in front of my apartment building was absolutely steaming with kids playing until dark.
It reminded me of my own childhood growing up in the 80s and 90s. The good old days. Back before we felt like we were missing an appendage if we forgot our phones.
I’m not going to end this point with a speech about using less tech and having more real-world conversations and experiences. I’ve given that speech. But I will wrap up by asking you to think about how you tend to respond when things that you can’t control happen.
The Spanish do two things really well: first, instead of going straight into self-preservation mode, they check on the people around them when the world turns; and secondly, they have a serious knack for rolling with the tides of life.
The weather, architecture, and promise of adventure may have brought me here.
But it’s this focus on community and calm that has kept me here.
***
That's it for today.
Be good, and I hope you all have a great weekend.
Onwards.
—Michael
PS: If you're new here and like what you read, you can cruise over all past installments by clicking the link below —
Complete 'Memorable' Catalog