“Listen to the child.”
— Someone smart —
Hello and my best to you and yours.
I just got back home from a much-needed but very hot and sticky road trip with my family around Northern Italy. On the way back my wife asked our two kids what town they liked the most. Their answer? Turin. The reason? Because there's a park full of friendly squirrels that let you pet and feed them. Hard not to admire kids' ability to appreciate the simple things in life.
Here are three things that I've been thinking about the last few days that I'm excited to share with you. (4-minute read)
***
on focusing on the good
On our drive home from Italy, our AC blew out halfway into the ten-hour drive. “Thank God this happened at the end of our trip instead of the beginning,” my wife immediately said.
This response blew my mind. A stark contrast to my first thought of — “Freck me, now we have to endure five hours of stifling heat on top of two kids arguing in the backseat!”
I hope before my time ends, I get better at thinking like the woman who agreed to spend her life with me.
To focus on the good.
To smile at trouble.
As John Prine warned in his song Bruised Orange (which of course came on thirty minutes into our five-hour sauna session) —
You can gaze out the window, get mad and get madder
Throw your hands in the air and say ‘What does it matter?’
But it don’t do no good to get angry so help me I know.
For a heart stained in anger grows weak and grows bitter
You become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there
Wrapped up in a trap of your very own chain of sorrow.
***
on being unselfish
Speaking of John Prine, he's my favorite singer-songwriter. His ability to tell both heartwarming and heart-breaking stories is insane. He’s just got it. And seems like he always has. When he was a mailman in his late teens and early twenties he wrote songs about the human condition in his head while doing his route before jotting them down when he got home. These very songs — Sam Stone, Paradise, Hello in There – would later kickstart his career. But not in the way you may expect.
Shortly after John began playing in clubs around his hometown of Chicago, his good friend Steve Goodman had just caught his big break and landed a few gigs opening up for Kris Kristofferson; the hottest new thing at the time.
When playing with Kristofferson, the legendary musician and actor in-the-making kept telling Goodman how great he was but rather than bask in the glory, Goodman replied, “Well, you think I’m good, you gotta hear my friend!” And on the last night of their stint together, Goodman convinced Kristofferson to go down to check out Prine who had just wrapped up a set across town.
Here's what Prine had to say about this experience —
“There was nobody at the time that I would have rather sung my songs for than Kris.
Between him and Steve Goodman, probably the most two unselfish I’ve ever met — let alone people in music or show business.
It was Goodman's big shining moment as Kris and his band were all telling him how much they thought of his songs and he ought to go to Nashville and make a record, and Goodman’s going 'No! You need to go across town and meet my buddy!' — at one in the morning on a Sunday!
And he dragged him over there and after I sang my songs, Kris asked me to get back up on stage again and sing those same songs and anything else I had.
I was a big moment.
I was a happy cat.”
Shortly thereafter, Prine and Goodman flew to New York City and by dumb luck learned that Kristofferson was playing a show and they decided to check it out. To their surprise, at the end of a set, Kristofferson asked the two men to play three songs each as he knew the audience was full of record executives.
The next morning at 10 AM, Prine signed his first deal with Atlantic Records. And before the pair flew back to Tennessess, Goodman landed a deal as well.
I don’t know about you, but I love this story as it perfectly defines what friendship means to me. Be a fan of your friends. Promote them. Embrance Steve Goodman's words — “Well, you think I’m good, you gotta hear my friend!"
(If interested in Prine, this living-room concert a year before his passing due to Covid is a good place to start as it's a nice mix of his music and his ability to tell stories. A friend best described him as "just a little bit more alien than the rest of us.").
***
on being interested
“Oh, Michael, it’s so disappointing! I’d guestimate that eight percent of the guys I’ve chatted with — after offering an extremely low-hanging piece of fruit — have responded with the words I’m looking to hear.”
My friend Marta recently began dating again after a bit of a hiatus and decided to give the online world a shot. Like most people, she’s got a lot going on and the last thing she wanted to do was play a numbers game. As a result, she sat down to identify a way to effectively vet the guys who showed interest.
“Whenever someone I’m chatting with asks me what I’m up to, I tell them I’m reading,” she told me. “All they have to do to keep the conversation going is ask me which book!”
Marta then went on to tell me that no matter how many other boxes someone may check, if their knee-jerk reaction isn’t to talk books for a few minutes, she’s not wasting another minute of her time on them.
Even though this is Marta’s strategy for dating (something she so eloquently refers to as “The Moron Test”), I thought it was a good reminder for all of us.
If you want to make friends, keep friends, or maybe a little more, show some damn interest.
***
That's it for today. Thank you once again for the love of my book. I wouldn't be here without you.
If you've read it and have a second to leave an honest review on Amazon or Goodreads that would mean the world as it really helps.
And if you haven't had a chance to pick up the book yet for yourself or a friend, family member, or colleague who struggles to bet on themselves, feel free to click the link below to learn more.
Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out
"In a world that lionizes loudness, it's actually the quiet and shy among us who are best set up to thrive. Michael Thompson provides an important new way of understanding what it really takes to stand out!
– Cal Newport, New York Times bestselling author of Digital Minimalism and Deep Work
Much love.
Onwards.
— Michael