“Things that make you weird as a kid will make you great tomorrow."
— James Victore —
Hello and my very best to you and yours.
Here are three things that I've been thinking about that I'm excited to share with you.
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on making a great first impression
Growing up as a military brat, I was constantly told to display bullet-proof confidence when meeting new people. “Shoulders back!” “Project your voice!” “When you go to shake someone’s hand, aim to break it!”
There was only one problem—as a shy kid with a debilitating stutter, that approach wasn’t me. Not even close. My anxiety dropped significantly when I decided to ignore this advice in favor of prioritizing making people feel as comfortable in my presence as possible.
And without a doubt, the best advice I’ve come across to accomplish this comes courtesy of Robin Dreeke, former Head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program and the author of It’s Not All About Me —
“The first step in the process of developing great rapport and having great conversations is letting the other person know that there is an end in sight, and it is really close.”
When approaching someone, their guard immediately goes up as they scramble to make sense of your intentions. Kicking off conversations by letting people know you won’t take up much of their time puts them at ease as they know the interaction won’t drag on.
- I’m meeting my wife in a few minutes, but I’m curious…
- I have to get to a meeting, but the cover of your book caught my attention…
- I’ve got to run to get my kids from school, but I just wanted to let you know…
Having lived in a dozen different cities across three continents, Robin’s wisdom has been a godsend. More times than not, it creates an environment for quick, upbeat conversations as people feel a sense of relief that you won’t be wasting their day. Not only that, but if the interaction begins to go south, you have an easy out as you need to be somewhere.
Let people know you’ll be brief. Position your body at an angle instead of standing directly in front of them so they have the freedom to move. Speak slowly so they have time to get a gauge of what you’re saying. Put these things together and you have a solid recipe for a good first impression.
Just don’t forget to smile.
Having a glum look on your face rarely makes people feel comfortable.
***
on stepping back
Yesterday when playing football in the park with my kids and their friends, the ball got stuck in a tree. And not a short tree. A tall one. The branches where the ball got lodged were practically tickling the clouds.
In an instant, all the boys grabbed another ball and tried with all their might to knock the stuck one loose. They failed miserably. But then me and my buddy Mica stepped in. To our surprise, and despite our physical prowess, we too came up short. Not nearly as badly as the boys. But still, watching a group of Catalan moms laugh at our attempts was a kick to our fragile American and French egos.
When we thought all was lost though, and the trees in the park had stolen yet another ball, a girl from my kid’s class asked if she could give it a go.
The amount of puffs that the young boys let out when I handed her the ball reminded me of a Snoop Dogg song.
But before throwing the ball up at the tree, the girl did something interesting. Instead of throwing the ball from the ground where all of us had tried before, she climbed up on the pavilion that was a few feet away from the tree to get a better vantage point, and on her first attempt, she set the ball free.
Talk about a kick-myself moment. The answer was just a few steps away. But I fell into the world's oldest trap of thinking that the way that wasn't working would eventually work.
The next time you face a problem, steal a line from our young hero and take a few steps back while thinking about how you could approach it from a different angle.
You never know.
Doing so may serve as the spark that jars the solution to your problem loose.
***
on owning your wyrd
A few days ago, my friend TeriLeigh shared with me something that stopped me in my tracks — the word weird comes from the Old English word wyrd, which means "to control fate."
From the moment TeriLeigh shared this with me, I haven't been able to get it out of my head. "To control fate." This is not only an incredible definition, but also a heck of a piece of inspiration.
More times than not, many of us hide our wyrdness, thinking it's something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. But what if it's not? What if the thing holding you back from stepping into the person you were meant to be and living the life of your dreams was dropping your mask and letting your wyrdness flag fly?
Your quirks.
Your style.
Your interests.
Your unique way of seeing and making sense of the world.
As an incredibly talented writer, Beckett Johnson said when reflecting on TeriLeigh's wyrd definition discovery —
"They're not just personality traits—they’re your magickal ability to bend reality."
TeriLeigh (and all of her wonderful wyrdness) has been a ray of light in my life of late. From helping me get moving on Substack and being my tech helper on workshops to simply listening when I'm having a bad day...
She's one of the good ones.
If you're writing online and yearning for a tight-knit community of wyrd and wonderful people who denounce hustle culture in favor of slow and steady growth, check out what TeriLeigh's building.
The Creator Retreat
Applications to join the 20-person cohort end this Friday and there are only a few spots left.
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That's it for today.
Never stop owning your wyrd.
Onwards.
—Michael
PS: The best way to help me keep the lights on and to keep newsletters like this one free is to grab a copy of my book and leave an honest review on Amazon or Goodreads.
Shy by Design: 12 Timeless Principles to Quietly Stand Out
It makes for a great gift for any of your shy or reserved friends, colleagues, and family members who have something to say but struggle to bet on themselves.